I want to be Carrie Fisher

I am a star wars fan. I wanted to get that out of the way first so that my kindred spirits out there can feel comfortable and the rest of you can start making fun of me as you read this. I am a geek, a freak, a fangirl, whatever label you want to give me, I am one. I have never stalked the actors or anything, unless you count the vivid dream life Harrison Ford and I have together. But I have seen the movies, yes the prequels too, more times than there are numbers to count. I use lines from the movies in my day to day life as often as I can, and even named my son after a character in the movie. I have also been known to dress up like the characters, in and out of bed (we will get to that later.) All in all Star Wars has been a big part of my life. From teaching me how to be creative as a child as I made up stories with my action figures, which I must confess did seem to have the recurring theme of Han Solo boinking Princess Leia, to becoming a mirror of what would transpire in my life, although some of that part I could have done without, Star Wars connections or not.

OCD runs strong in my family, my grandmother has it, my father has it, my sister has it, and I have it, all to one degree or another. See what I mean about using lines from Star Wars in my real life? Anyway, I have always felt my Star Wars obsession is probably part of my OCD. I truly go through withdrawal symptoms if I do not see it, or hear it, or read it in one form or another at least once a week. Luckily for me, I have my own real life action figure living at home, so it makes finding Star Wars references or lines, easy to come by. I named my son Luke Skywalker, Luke John Skywalker to be exact. Well, the Luke John part is on his birth certificate, the Skywalker part isn't. I wanted to add it as another middle name; however my husband at the time, although a big Star Wars fan himself, wouldn't let me. Maybe that should have been my first clue that things weren't going to go so well with him, who knows.

Anyway, with Luke in the house it is easy to get my Star Wars fix every time I say his name, and lucky for me, he turned out to be a fan too, although in all honesty I am not really sure he would have had a choice. In later years my Anakin Skywalker, Luke’s father, would slowly turn into Darth Vader before my eyes, until the dark side consumed him completely, the temptation to the dark side in this case being drugs, not an old wrinkly Sith Lord. I guess that part of my life would be one of those be careful what you wish for things huh?


So my point, I know I had one, Oh yeah, my question for the day. Is it sad that even with all of her mental health issues, relationship disasters and drug problems I would still give my right arm to be Carrie Fisher? Let’s look at the objective facts shall we, and then you can all tell me that I may be as mentally unbalanced as Carrie has tended to be from time to time.

First and foremost, I know for a fact she slept with Harrison Ford. Ok, well not for a fact per se, but from enough gossip, innuendo, and Carrie’s own witty mouth, and that should be enough to prove it in a court of law. Of course there is also the proof I have in my own Star Wars riddled geek brain that says they did, because I have pictured it and daydreamed about it numerous times, with numerous scenarios and of course numerous positions. Harrison is nothing if not flexible; at least he is when I fantasize it. So it happened. That alone should be enough of a reason to want to be Carrie Fisher. If not let me repeat that one more time....SHE SLEPT WITH HARRISON FORD, and in case you haven't noticed, Harrison Ford is a god. Actually he could be the god, who knows, as an atheist, I think I am entitled to name my own god, and I have decided it shall be Harrison. After all I would have absolutely no problem getting on my knees before bed every night for him.

Ok, for those men who think I need to give more reasons other than Carrie sleeping with God, here goes number two. She was in Star Wars, not just in it, she was Princess Fuckin Leia. Her fictional character gets to bonk Harrison`s fictional character, and make little Han Solo babies! She also looks damn good in a gold bikini (and yes women are allowed to notice that) and although I have been everything from severely overweight, to sleek and sexy skinny, I have never been that skinny so I am allowed to use it as a reason to want to be Carrie.

Third, she is probably one of the funniest women on the planet. From her interviews to her books and her hilarious speeches and roasts at various award ceremonies, her wit and jokes never miss. She is simply brilliant. She is also, and I know she hates this word, a survivor. Despite or maybe even because of all she has done and gone through, she is still standing, something I admire since with all I have been through it is nice to see someone else make it through the haze of bullshit to come out clean on the other side.

I could go on with more like her parents are famous and she was fortunate enough to be brought up in Hollywood around some of the most talented people in the world, around wealth and privilege. But that would sound materialistic of me, and although I wouldn't mind some of her Star wars money, that’s not really one of the big reasons why I would want to be Carrie Fisher, after all there is more to me than money. Which is good, since I don’t have any.

Of course I could say I envy her being able to have electro-shock therapy every now and again, giving her the ability to wipe out huge chunks of her past, which if you had some of my past you would understand why that sounds so appealing to me. Then there is that little part of me that envies the fact that occasionally in her life she was able to go and have a nice, long quiet vacation in a mental institution. I know, I know it doesn't sound like something we should be jealous of, but just the thought of my own private room where no friends, ex-husbands, neighbors or co-workers or even kids would be able to bother me, is just too good to be true.


My food would be cooked for me, served to me and my room cleaned for me. I could smoke whenever and wherever I wanted, since for some ungodly reason smoking is always allowed in mental institutions and drug rehabs, but on the outside I have to wait for every other Tuesday under a full moon, at one of three pre-approved locations for up to one hour. I joke, although with the way the laws have been going, that scenario might not be that far off. Let me remind you folks who are groaning about me being a smoker, its still legal folks! LEGAL! Look up the word if you are unsure of its meaning. At this rate, we may end up with hoards of people in rehabs and mental hospitals who are only there because they want to still be able to smoke when they please and where they please. That should make an interesting dent in the health care system.

Anyway, as I was saying a little mental health break from the world really doesn't sound all that bad. After all sanity isn't all its cracked up to be, in fact I think it is highly over rated. Holding onto my sanity by the small string it is still perilously clinging too hasn't really done much of anything for me that I can see. As we can tell it hasn’t helped at all with my somewhat unstable devotion to all things Star Wars, and it certainly hasn’t helped me with my borderline OCD rituals (don’t worry I’ll get to those later), and it certainly has done nothing to help me deal with the destruction of my last marriage to none other than Long Island’s own Darth Vader (and yes I know that is a Star Wars reference but trust me in this case it fits.) As a matter of fact so far although I know it is still there, it hasn't really done a thing for me, so maybe, just maybe I am better off without it.

As Norman Bates so eloquently put it, we all go a little crazy sometimes and maybe we need to. So yes, after all the evidence is in, I wouldn't mind being Carrie Fisher for a day, a week, a month. I think it would be a nice change of pace from my life, a little out-of-body experience vacation. Sounds nice.

Well I am off to bed to sleep with Harrison, goodnight.