The Grass is always greener on other people`s husbands

The grass is always greener on other people’s husbands. Did you ever notice that? I cannot tell you how many people, friends, relatives, acquaintances would come up to me over the years, telling me what a great guy my second husband was; so helpful and sweet. I would look at these people like they had ten heads, and this was before he became a drug addict. Are you kidding? It takes me two months just to get him to mow the lawn. We lived in our home for ten years and he still couldn’t remember which night the garbage went out without me telling him. The entire time I was married to him, I think he replaced the toilet paper roll correctly twice, and that might even be an exaggeration. Sure, he would open a new one, although only out of necessity, but he would place the new roll on top of the old empty one and walk out of the room. Apparently, taking the other one off, throwing it in the garbage pail and putting on the new one would have taken too much time out of his busy schedule of not mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage.

I bring this up of course, because I am just as guilty over the grass is always greener on other people’s husband’s phenomenon. I have told my girlfriends plenty of times in the past how great their husband is, or isn’t he nice to do this or that, when in reality I know from talking with my girlfriends that they are just as annoying and incompetent in their own ways as my husbands were. Yet, I say it anyway, and why, because the things that they did that drove their wives nuts didn’t really bother me, and of course the things that my husband’s did that bothered me were things that really didn’t irk my girlfriends. So I guess my point is like hair, women always want what other women have.

Of course being divorced now again, I have to say, although I enjoy men’s company in many facets, I actually have been enjoying being without one more than I can even tell you. It’s nice to wake up and not roll over to the pillow next to you which is so covered in sweat you would swear you were in that scene in Airplane where the “sweat” is pouring off the pilots head. Then you get up disgusted and feeling gross to find someone’s underwear hanging your bedroom doorknob.

It’s fantastic to ask my son to take out the garbage and miracle upon miracles he actually does it, and on the first time I ask him too! Of course to be honest, I lived with those small annoyances, we all do, it was the big things like the drug use, stolen money and no job that I couldn’t live with; how unreasonable of me.

One of my friend’s husbands is very obsessive compulsive, and she hates it, it drives her insane. I would take that in a heartbeat over the “Yeah, yeah I know the ceiling is caving in, don’t worry I will get to it soon” attitude my last husband had, or the, “I’ll call the repair man to come glue that corner of wallpaper that is falling off on the kitchen wall, because I have never seen a tool in my life” attitude my first husband had. But she would take a little laziness and nonchalant attitude over problems in the house over what she lives with any day of the week. Perhaps we women could get together and rotate husbands every once in a while, give us a chance to see it from the other side.

I know I say his obsessive-compulsive behavior would be a welcome new breeze, but after awhile, I would probably hate it to, after all we are women, we do tend to change our minds. Perhaps like wife swap we could do a month to month rotation, this could be a good thing for the men as well. After all, after a month with another husband, when you get yours back you will most likely be glad to see him....most likely.  Maybe I should have married Obi-Wan. Of course, if I lived in an alternate reality where Star Wars characters were real, I would marry Han Solo hands down. After all Princess Leia is a tiny little thing, I could so take her.